


All Over Again

by Miss_Romance_Lover



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Drama, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:46:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Romance_Lover/pseuds/Miss_Romance_Lover
Summary: After an accident, Aaron suffers short term memory loss. He knows Robert, but he doesn't remember the happy life they've been building together. Is love really enough to overcome the uncontrollable?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very aware that this plot has been written for these two before, but after reading a suggestion that Aaron could get amnesia in the aftermath of the big October week - totally just a theory of course - I got the idea to write this. I don't claim to know anything about the condition, or short term memory loss, so I hope it makes some kind of sense. Little Warning here for mentions of Aaron's childhood abuse, but nothing graphic. Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for reading.

The car crash seemed fairly minor; hardly a crash at all except that they had both ended up with cuts and bruises, and Aaron had whacked his head quite hard on the steering wheel on impact. At the hospital he had been checked over, as had Robert, and everything seemed normal. And then, within a few hours, everything changed.

Aaron had had a seizure while waiting for the all clear to go home. The nurses had ushered Robert away and called for a doctor, leaving him a terrified mess in the hospital corridor. When he was still waiting ten minutes later he realised he had to call Chas and that she was going to have to come in. 

By the time he heard any news she had already arrived, and they were taken to see Aaron. He was unconscious but apparently stable, and a scan would be organised for after he woke up. They sat in the chairs either side of his bed, each taking one of his hands in theirs. 

When he saw the younger man’s eyes flickering open, Robert dared to hope that they could all breathe easily again. 

“Hey sweetheart,” Chas said in a gentle voice.

“Mum,” Aaron croaked out.

“It’s okay,” she smiled. “You’re alright, you’re going to be fine.”

Robert watched as his boyfriend turned his head slowly to meet his gaze. “Hey, you,” he said, squeezing Aaron’s hand. 

Aaron looked almost bemused. He took his hand out of Robert’s reach. “Why are you here? I don’t--”

“Aaron? It’s Robert,” he replied, the fear beginning to creep in again.

“I know who you are, thanks. I just don’t know what you’re doing here.

His tone was hostile. Robert looked at Chas, whose eyes had widened. “I’m here because I love you,” he told him. 

“Yeah, you’ve said that before. But we’re over; have been for months. I’m supposed to be getting over…you can’t just turn up when something happens and expect me to--”

Chas shushed him before he could grow more agitated. “Don’t upset yourself, love. You know I wouldn’t be letting Robert anywhere near you if he was only messing with your head. But he’s not. What…what can you remember, about him?”

Robert was afraid to hear the answer. He leaned against the back of the chair, trying to give him the space he so clearly wanted from him. 

“The shooting,” Aaron said carefully. “And the affair. But it’s over now. We don’t even talk anymore,” he told his mum, in a voice that suggested she should know this already. “Well yeah, he tries to talk to me but I usually just ignore him.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Robert leaned closer to the bed, but didn’t crowd him. “Aaron, listen, it’s not like that now. All that stuff you’re thinking of, that was last year. Me and you, we’re together now. Properly.”

“No, that’s not…Mum, what’s going on?”

“It’s true love,” Chas confirmed, with a dry smile, though her eyes betrayed the panic that was clouding her mind. 

“But I don’t remember.”

Robert got to his feet, seeing the distress on Aaron’s face. “I’m going to get a doctor.” Once outside the room, he braced himself against the wall, leaning all his weight there and struggling to take in what was happening. 

Aaron had no memory of the past few months. From what he was saying, the only memories he had of Robert were mostly bad. All that they had gone through this year, all of the happier moments were gone.

He took a deep breath and willed himself not to break down. It wouldn’t be of any use. Approaching the nurses’ station, he cleared his throat. “Excuse me? We need a doctor, please. Something’s wrong. My boyfriend, he can’t remember…I don’t think he can remember anything from this past year.” 

*

Robert had been instructed to call Paddy and then inform the rest of the family on what was going on. Knowing that this was Chas’s way of making things that bit less uncomfortable for Aaron, Robert did as he was told. His presence by Aaron’s side clearly wasn’t helping.

The doctor had, predictably, mentioned that this was a form of short term amnesia. Aaron could regain his memory in a matter of weeks or months; or he might never get it back. It was as brutal as that. 

He had since been taken for a scan, and was now sleeping, so Robert had returned to sit back on one of the chairs. In his turmoil, he found himself asking Chas something that was plaguing his mind. 

“Why did you back me up, when I told Aaron that me and him are…? I mean, you could have got rid of me, after everything I’ve done. Ideal chance, right?” He hadn’t meant it to sound like an accusation, like he was sniping at her; but now she was glaring at him. 

“After all the progress he’s made this year, you really think I’d have let him think none of it ever happened?” Chas had lowered her voice so as not to wake her sleeping son, but hushed tones or not her fury was obvious. “If I had lied and told Aaron that you and him were history, it wouldn’t just have affected you, you know. In his head right now, he still hasn’t told you, told any of us about Gordon. For him there’s been no trial, no justice and no blissful few months with you. He needs to have all those memories back, including you, Robert. He needs to remember that he got through all of it.”

Robert nodded, feeling guilty. “Sorry. Of course. I was just having a selfish moment. He only knows the old me and it just makes me relive all the crap I put him through.” 

“Well stop it. We all know what an arse you were. Now put it to one side because Aaron needs you.”

“I don’t know if he does, though.”

“My son loves you. Even how he’s feeling now, when all your recent good behaviour has been wiped from his mind, he still loves you.”

Robert looked at Aaron as he slept and felt himself on the verge of tears. “I love him so much, Chas.”

She threw him a look that suggested she no longer needed reminding of that fact, and he managed a half smile back. They watched as Aaron stirred and opened his eyes, spotting Robert first as he faced that way.

“Robert,” he said without surprise, but no more pleased to see him than he was before.

“Yeah, I’m still here. I hope that’s okay, I really don’t want to leave you.”

Aaron studied him for a minute, then seemed to settle. And Robert saw it then; the look in his eyes. He knew then that Chas was right. Aaron did still love him. But it was a different kind of love: a scared and tentative love that he felt like he couldn’t trust. The love they had built on since getting back together, the one filled with trust and friendship and an unbreakable bond; that had all been taken away from him. 

Not only that, but he had no idea of his own strength and bravery in facing up to the abuse. It was as though he had taken a large step backwards and he didn’t even know it.

“Suit yourself,” Aaron responded to his hopes in staying. “I suppose it’s not your fault I can’t remember us actually making a go of it. Everything else is, though.”

Robert let out a laugh when he saw that familiar smirk on his face, Chas chuckling quietly too.

“Sounds about right,” he nodded back.

The scans came back clear, and after a week in hospital Aaron hadn’t had another seizure. His memory hadn’t returned either, but he was deemed well enough to continue his recovery at home. 

Before that, Liv had gone to Dublin to stay with her mother for a while; but the hope was that she would be able to come back one way or another. Obviously Aaron wouldn’t know or recognise her, but even if he didn’t regain his memories it had already been decided that he would be told all about his sister and the close bond the siblings had built up.

Liv had been very upset at not seeing her brother, but she didn’t push for it for fear of making things worse for him. She understood that springing herself on him at this stage would mean bringing up the situation with their father too soon. 

Robert then realised that although it was somewhat different with him because Aaron already knew him, perhaps it would be fairer if he moved out for a while too. “I was thinking,” he began as Chas and Paddy brought Aaron into the backroom, the pair of them having gone to collect him.

“That’s dangerous,” Aaron replied in that teasing way of his. For a minute Robert could almost pretend this was any other playful moment between them. He smiled as the man sat down to rest on the sofa.

“Haha,” he said back. “No look, I was thinking that if you’d prefer me to stay at Vic’s for a while, then I can. I mean, if you’ll let me come and see you every day?”

The look on Aaron’s face made him feel terrible. He sighed and frowned in confusion at Robert’s words. “So…you’ve been living here? We were living together?”

Robert couldn’t believe he hadn’t mentioned it before. Nobody had. He was starting to think that he should have moved back into Vic’s before Aaron had been discharged. But that would only have made his tales of their commitment to each other seem less true. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry Aaron, I’m not trying to upset you.” 

“I’m not upset.”

Chas and Paddy looked at each other, then back at Aaron, who was staring up at Robert in wonder. Chas gestured for Paddy to follow her out of the room.

“You’re not,” Robert stated, seeing the evidence for himself. 

“No. I’ve come to terms with it, that it somehow managed to work out between us; that we were…happy?” The older man smiled in answer to his question, so he nodded and continued. “It’s just that I don’t know how we got there and even if you sat down and told me all about it…well, it still wouldn’t feel real. The stuff I know so far…it’s all I ever wanted from you, but--”

“I know,” Robert interrupted. “You need the memories back. You’ll get there, Aaron.”

“And what if I don’t?” he asked in a small voice.

“Then I’ll still be here for you.”

Aaron looked away suddenly, as if his mind might be threatening to overrule everything he’d been told about the other man in the last few days. “Why is it that I still want you, even when the last things I can remember about you are so rotten?”

Robert didn’t have an answer for him. Last year, when he was a different person, he had felt powerful to have such a hold over the man, but now the thought of it unsettled him. Aaron was in a place right now where he didn’t seem to want to love him, whether he felt it or not.

“I’m sorry,” he said for the second time that day. “Aaron, I’ve packed a couple of bags and I’ll be over with Vic and Adam if you…if you need me. I don’t want to leave but I know it’s the right thing to do. You need space from me.”

Aaron nodded. “I need to sort my head out for a bit. If it doesn’t sort itself out,” he said sadly. “But you’ll still come over?”

“Of course I will. Whenever you like.”

“Robert, will you…will you come back tomorrow?”

He met Aaron’s hopeful eyes, the man still doubtful as if he might backtrack at any moment. “Yeah,” he replied, taking a chance and moving forward to clasp Aaron’s hand in his. “Tomorrow.” He wanted to lean even closer and kiss him, but things seemed to be going in the right direction and Robert didn’t want to compromise the tentative progress they had made so far.

Over the next few weeks, while Aaron remained off work at everyone’s insistence, Robert visited the pub most days. There hadn’t yet been any sign of his memory returning, but every now and then he was sure he spotted flickers of recognition, like one day early on when he told Aaron he could rely on him. Aaron’s whole expression changed at what should have been familiar words to him, and he didn’t argue against it.

Robert regularly expected his words to be rejected, much like they had been in the timeframe Aaron’s head was currently at. But on days like that there seemed to be hope.

Two weeks after he had been discharged from the hospital Chas found Robert in the café. She told him that although it would be a very difficult and painful conversation for Aaron, she believed that they should talk to him about Gordon. It was one thing letting things lie if he couldn’t remember the abuse he’d gone through at all. Maybe then they would have had to wait it out. But he still had those memories and had no idea that anyone else knew. It was time to let him know that didn’t have to struggle with it alone anymore; that he hadn’t been alone with it for quite some time now. They also hoped that telling him about the part Liv had to play in it would make it slightly easier to bear.

Later that day, Robert sat in one of the chairs nearby as Chas took a seat next to her son on the sofa. She had already explained that they wanted to talk and that it wasn’t going to be easy for him to hear.

“Mum, you’re worrying me now. What is this about?”

“You don’t need to worry about a thing, love,” she soothed. “It’s just that this is going to come as a bit of a shock. The thing is, it’s not just your relationship with Robert that your memories have taken from you. We…that is, me, Robert and everyone else that loves you: we know about what your da—what Gordon did to you.”

Aaron froze. “What? No. I don’t know what you’re on about,” he said after a minute. Robert could hear the tremor in his voice.

“It’s okay,” he spoke up. “You don’t have to go into it now, unless you need to. But the important thing is that you told us and you exposed him for what he was.”

“You…you know?”

Chas put an arm around him and nodded. “Yes. And I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I left you with him.”

“I don’t…” Aaron had gone pale. “Hang on, you said ‘was’? When you were talking about him: Gordon.”

“He’s dead,” Robert told him quietly. 

Over the next hour he and Chas talked Aaron through the early months of the year. Starting with the day he had been rushed to hospital with Sepsis and the night he had confessed everything to Robert; through to the trial and how proud they were of him. Gordon’s letter and his death hadn’t been an easy time for their newfound relationship either, but Robert couldn’t bring himself to leave the information out.

They sat with Aaron as he cried, tried to help him absorb the knowledge that the horrors he had gone through were no longer buried but out in the open. He struggled to understand how he had managed to take the case to court and voice out loud what his father had done to him. And he could barely get his head around the fact that Robert had been the first person he had confided in.

“Is this why I changed my name to Dingle?” he asked some time later, when he felt calmer.

“It was a fresh start for you,” Chas explained. “For both of us I suppose. And there’s something else. You found your sister around the time all of this happened. Liv?” 

“Did I?” he asked in awe, smiling for the first time. “She must be, what, fourteen by now?” They filled in some of the gaps for him. It took a lot to convince him that he had recently become his sister’s guardian, and when that had sunk in he immediately felt guilty that the girl had had to move out because of his current condition.

“Liv is a little madam most of the time but she loves you to bits, Aaron,” his mum assured him. “We can get her to come back and see you whenever you’re ready, and the two of you’ll be the best of mates in no time, whatever happens.”

The last two words lingered between the three of them as they contemplated, for what felt like the millionth time, a future where Aaron’s lost memories simply stayed lost.

Before Robert left that evening, Aaron turned to look at him. “You stuck around,” he said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Sorry?”

“I told you all that about my past,” Aaron elaborated. “And you didn’t run a mile.”

“No. Because it didn’t change how I feel about you, Aaron.”

The other man simply stared at him before nodding slightly, as if accepting the absolute truth of the declaration. Robert went back to Vic’s feeling a little lighter than when he had woken up that morning.

*

“I just want to get back to normal, but even Adam won’t hear of me coming back to work yet. And I know he needs the help.” Aaron said as he and Robert wandered through the village the following week. They were heading to the café for coffee.

Robert smiled softly at him. “He’s just worried it’s too soon,” he replied. “We all are. I know the memory loss doesn’t affect your ability to work but you’ve had a lot to deal with.”

“Exactly. Being back at the yard would take my mind off it all.”

Opening his mouth to reply, although he didn’t know exactly how yet, Robert was stopped in his tracks when he realised Aaron was no longer walking beside him. He had stopped outside Debbie’s house; the house that Laurel and Ashley were currently living in while Debbie was away. The house where a very unwell Aaron had told Robert his darkest secret on a cold January night.

“Hey,” the older man said gently as he reached his side. “Aaron?”

“There’s something…” he replied slowly. “I remember something. In there,” he was pointing at Debbie’s.

Robert watched him carefully. Any memories coming back were a good thing in the long term, but the thought of the man he loved having to relive such a harrowing conversation made his heart ache. He stayed quiet, waiting to see if this moment would come to anything.

“Robert,” Aaron started again after a minute. His eyes were closed, and Robert wondered whether he could see fragments of that night in his mind’s eye. “You were there. I locked myself in.”

“You remember that?”

“Yeah. We talked and I…I can hear the words. I remember telling you. God,” he exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes still firmly shut. “Shit.”

“You okay?”

“I don’t know.”

They stood in silence for a few more minutes, until Robert eventually broke it. “Do you want to go home, or carry on over for a coffee?”

Aaron sighed, took one last look at the house and then turned away. “Coffee.”

The first memory sparked a second one a few days later, and although it was no quick process he was able to build up a clearer picture of those stolen months. He couldn’t remember every detail; they were more like highlights. But it felt like enough every time even a fragment of a memory allowed him to make more sense of his life.

One afternoon he sat looking through the photos on his phone for the first time since it all happened, and the picture of himself smiling happily with Robert and Liv kept him staring for several minutes. Something clicked into place and he realised that he knew and loved her; it was instinctual. It wasn’t until a few hours later that a very clear memory of her came into his mind, and once that had happened Aaron picked up the phone to call her.

He talked to Liv for over an hour, listened while she told him stories about what they’d got up to during her time in the village. She was patient with him even though he could tell that wasn’t usually in her nature, and he knew that he must mean a lot to her too. They ended up arranging for her to visit the following week.

The trial came back to Aaron in waves, and he started to understand why going back to work wasn’t ideal quite yet. How could he get anything done when he was experiencing flashes of one of the most difficult weeks of his life? 

He was sitting with Robert in the backroom of the pub, the football on in the background and a pizza in front of them. Robert had zoned out and was thinking more about the man beside him than the score or the match, so he was startled when Aaron suddenly blurted out a familiar sentence.

“The sort of person you want to be, and to be with.”

Robert looked at him in shock. “What?”

Aaron couldn’t meet his eye. “Maybe I dreamt it, or…did you say that?”

“Yes. In court. Aaron, look at me,” he insisted in a gentle voice. Aaron turned to face him. “Has anything else come back to you today?”

“No, just that. Just you. It…feels good to remember something about the trial that doesn’t knock me sick. So thanks.”

“I only told the truth, you know,” Robert replied.

“Yeah, well. It’s still new to me, this new and improved Robert Sugden,” he nudged him and bent down to pick up a piece of pizza. 

Robert grinned, yet again wishing he could kiss the man but ultimately wanting it to be Aaron’s choice. He wouldn’t rush him. As far as he was concerned, they had forever to make up for lost time when the right moment came.

*

The next time it happened, Aaron was doing paperwork in the backroom, having insisted that he was more than ready to get back into some sort of routine. If he couldn’t commit to doing manual labour until all the pieces of the puzzle inside his head fell into place, he could instead take some of the other workload off Adam’s hands.

This time when the images and words flashed into his mind, they weren’t quite so clear cut. He dropped his pen with a clatter with the shock of it, gripping the edge of the table as multiple memories began flooding through him. Each one of them had one thing in common: Robert. He was remembering the Robert that had barely left his side all year.

All at once Aaron decided that he needed to see him before the muddled mixture in his mind became coherent thoughts. He stood and disappeared out of the back door and, remembering that the other man had told him he had the morning off, he found himself running all the way to Vic’s.

He knocked loudly on the door – in his panic and desperation he more or less hammered on it – and when Robert opened it Aaron barged his way inside.

“Whoa! You okay?”

“Sorry,” he said breathlessly. “I had to see you and it couldn’t wait.”

Robert walked towards Aaron and put his hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. “What’s happened?”

“You.”

He waited, wondering if this development was good or bad news.

“The stuff that’s been missing, about you,” Aaron continued, running a hand over his face. Robert could see how overwhelmed he was and gestured for him to sit down. “It’s all sort of swirling around my brain. Feels really weird.”

“Right. Okay. So…what sort of stuff are we talking here?”

The younger man managed a knowing smirk. “Worried I’ve remembered something bad about you?”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Hardly. I’m perfect, aren’t I,” he joked.

“Yeah, nice try,” Aaron rolled his eyes. The confusing muddle that was his brain had started to reorganise itself now and he felt himself starting to relax. “Something about locking a kid in your car boot? And yes I do remember what you did with that letter now.”

“Shit,” was all Robert could say.

“Well I would shout at you but I guess I’ve already done that? So…” he trailed off again as another clear flash caught him off guard. “Oh!”

The noise was so unlike Aaron that Robert moved to sit beside him, studying him closely for any signs of distress. But instead he was smiling.

“What is it?”

Aaron drew out a long breath. “The lake. We were at this lake and you said you’d wait for me.” 

“Always,” Robert told him, eyes lighting up at the reminder and the fact that his boyfriend was able to relive it all over again.

“And now I guess you’re waiting for me again.”

“Hey,” he said, waiting until Aaron was looking at him again. “Like I said: always. Now is there anything else going on in that head of yours?”

“Where d’you want me to start? I remember…I remember feeling safe with you, even when the trial was hanging over me. It’s one thing being told I can trust you now, but until I got some memories back I was always going to wonder exactly how it happened. This is just…I didn’t expect to find out all this. I didn’t think I’d ever have this.”

“Have what?”

“You, all to myself and out in the open.”

Robert leaned closer and squeezed his hand, understanding the sentiment. “I hate to break it to you, but we’re kind of old news now. No one bats an eyelid.”

Aaron grinned. “Good.”

“You know I love you, Aaron Dingle?”

“Yeah, I think I finally do know. And I love you too. So are you going to move back in with me or what?”

“Seriously?” Robert replied, surprised. “Are you sure?”

“Just come home, Robert.” Aaron sealed his request by pressing a kiss to his lips, his hands gripping onto Robert’s shirt. He pulled back briefly to look at the man. It was strange but wonderful; Aaron felt the familiarity of the kiss and yet it felt almost new at the same time. He realised that although he had never stopped loving Robert, he had had the chance to fall for him all over again in a completely different way. And while the rest of his memories were still slotting themselves into place, they could keep making new ones together.

And with that thought in mind, he surged forward to reconnect their mouths once more.


End file.
